Uh-oh.
-Wow! -Aah!
Whoa!
Aah! No!
Don't you just love shopping at the Netherworld Mall, Sabrina?
Sabrina?
Can we please go home now? Please?
- Home? - Seriously, Sabrina.
Shopping at the Netherworld Mall...
...is an important rite of passage for a young witch.
Ugh! But I had plans with Harvey.
Instead I get dragged here with my aunties.
And besides, this place gives me the creeps.
Creeps? What's creepy about it?
Exposure to the Netherworld way of life is necessary for a young witch.
All part of the training. And as your guardians...
...we're here to make sure you experience it all.
Like it or not, you've gotta listen to us, Sabrina.
Ah. Great.
So much for being in control of my own life.
I always have to do what everyone else wants.
Grimma! Grimma! Grimma!
Grimma! Grimma!
Appearing today: Grimma Donna.
Oh, my gosh, is Grimma really gonna be here?
I love her show Trudi The Mortal Slayer.
It's the smash hit of the Netherworld Network.
Last year it was Dawson Croaks. Go figure.
Hauntings and bad nightmares, kids.
Yes, it's the one and only....
Grimma! Grimma! Grimma!
Look! There she is!
Grimma Donna!
Grimma, perhaps you would like to say a few words to your fans?
Of course, Bones. Hello, people. And thank you for adoring me.
Because of you I have a hit TV show...
...Three Homes in the Haunted Hills, and no one to tell me what to do...
...not even my parents, because I make more money than them.
I'm a star and I love you all.
Wow. That's the life.
I bet nobody forces Grimma Donna to go to the Netherworld Mall.
Maybe not. But I'll bet her job requires her to do a lot of things...
-...she would rather not do. -Oh, come on. A star like her?
Hil, look! Broomie's is having a one-day sale.
Hurry, before the place gets picked over by nasty little gnomes.
-Wait for us here, Sabrina. -Sure. Why not?
I have no life anyway.
Uh! I hate Slime-on-a-Stick.
Sure wish Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda would hurry up so we can go home.
I get the weirdest feeling I'm being watched.
Oh!
Aah! Whoa! Oof!
Oh. That was so, like, great.
You've got this look like Donna Wendigo in Biker Bad Girls from Beyond The Grave.
-Did you get that shot? -I got it, Mr. Tarantulino.
Your reaction was so, like, so reactive.
-So real! -It was. You scared me.
Of course I did. Sometimes I scare myself.
I'm that fantastic.
I am, of course, Clint Tarantulino, director extraordinaire.
And my name's Wannabee, camera-spook extraordinaire.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
She definitely meets all network requirements.
-Huh? -Young, young, and young!
-Mind telling me what this is about? -Sure thing.
See, I'm directing this hot new show for the Netherworld Network...
...and I've been scouting for just the right young witch...
...to star in my production.
-And you're perfect! -Me?
So just sign here, here, and here, and we'll be in business.
Ooh, Clint, we won't even need a filter.
The camera loves her face.
Wait a minute, what kind of show is this?
A documagicary called That Witch...
...following the day-to-day life of a real sorceress.
You'll be viewed by millions in the Netherworld.
They love watching shows about their own kind.
-You'll be a star. -Like Grimma Donna?
Grimma who? Honey, you're gonna be big.
We'll market you in television, movies, books, music.
With 30 percent of the profit going to me.
But hey, you'll hardly notice it's missing!
- Sabrina Spellman, celebrity. - Oh, yeah!
Sabrina Spellman, taking orders from no one...
- ...calling her own shots. - Loving this!
-In charge of her own life! -So sign already...
...and I'll follow you back to the mortal world and videotape your every move.
Gotta get permission first. Be right back.
Can I? Can I? Can I? It will be so cool!
-I don't think it's a good idea, Sabrina. -Told you he wouldn't go for it.
Better luck next time.
It all sounds fishy to me. Besides, what do we know about this...
-...Clint Tarantulino fellow? -He's the final word in terror.
He directed Gulp Fiction and revived the career...
...of that zombie TV star, Joe Revolta.
You know, from Welcome Back Slaughter?
- Never heard of him. - Of course not, you're a mortal!
But everybody else has. Please? Please?
Meet Sabrina Spellman, fully poseable with lifelike whine-o-matic action.
You have no idea what's involved with all this.
Fame. Money. Perks. I think I've got a pretty good idea.
That's the upside, Sabrina.
You're forgetting about the hard work. The long hours.
Grimma Donna seems to be handling stardom just fine.
Oh? And exactly when did you talk to Miss Grimma Donna?
Well, I didn't, exactly. But she sure looked happy.
Her job is to look happy. Trust me, Sabrina.
You're fooling yourself if you think being a star means...
...you won't have to listen to anyone tell you what to do.
You may wind up with even more demands on you than before.
Yeah, but maybe she'll be rich enough to hire someone who can cook decent food.
Ha-ha-ha! Please, Uncle Quigley.
I wanna do this, and I know I'll be really, really good...
...and I promise nothing will change around here.
Oh, I am such a pushover.
Thank you, Uncle Quigley!
There!
Just what I was waiting for.
Congratulations, Sabrina! You're about to become a star!
Ah! I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Tarantulino.
Oh, yeah, give me that yawn.
-Love it, loving this. -Aah!
Didn't realize we were starting so early.
Rise and shine, honey bunny. You're on.
Now, let's see a little mumbo jumbo.
Go on, whammy the bed or something.
Um, I don't normally use magic to make my bed.
The show's called That Witch...
...not That Boring Mortal Girl Who Does Everything by Hand and Gets Low Ratings.
Make with the mumbo jumbo, kid, or we're history before we even air!
Yes! Oh, sweet merciful enchantra...
...that was beautiful! You get that, Wannabee?
-Affirmative, Mr. T. -TV people are whacked.
You think our audience is gonna wanna see a walking witch?
-Fly, baby, fly! -But--
-It'll make for great ratings. -Right!
Oh, yeah! Yeah, this is so hot, baby.
Hey, Sabrina.
Wanna come over later and play my new video game...
-..."Brain Destroyer"? -"Brain Destroyer"?
That's my favorite, Harvey. I'd love to go. See you tonight.
Uh, okay. I guess.
You snooze, you lose, Smellman.
You want the audience to think you're a wimpy witch?
Turn that snotty little mortal into a frog. What are you waiting for?
I don't usually take care of my problems that way.
You wanna be a star or not?
Maybe one quick zap just to teach her a lesson.
Just for an hour, here's what you'll do Turn into a creature that resembles you
What are you babbling about, Spellman?
Oh! Aah!
Ha, ha! Wait till those network trolls get a load of this!
Oh! Aah!
I smell a hit!
Actually, sir, I think that's the zombie you're smelling.
Ugh!
Blah!
Oh, yeah. Well, I still thought the rat was funny.
The network switchboards are going crazy.
The ratings are in! That Witch is a hit!
But they've only shown the theme song.
Hey, on network TV, that's more than enough.
We're gonna be in full production around here.
Congratulations, Sabrina, you're the new "it" girl of the Netherworld Network.
I'm a star! No more taking other people's orders.
Now I'll get to call my own shots.
- Huh? - It's 4 a.m.
- Time to get rolling, babe. - Ugh.
Cut! Cut!
What now?
These are your teeth you're trying to clean, for enchantra's sake.
Let's do it with a little more conviction.
Okay. Take number 57.
Lower. Lower. How's the sound?
I'm trying to study here.
Can you study some other subject now?
We've got enough of you and the history book.
Dear diary....
Can't I have any privacy?
Oh, yes! Raw emotion!
But can you throw the diary again? A little more to the left this time.
- Look, I need a break from filming, Clint. - Sure thing.
Perfect time for a special mall appearance.
Oh, no!
Sabrina! Sabrina! Sabrina!
-Will you sign my tongue? -Eww!
-Hey, Sabrina. -Boy, am I glad to see you.
Haven't seen you around much lately. Wanna catch a flick?
That would be so great, Harvey. Let me see if I can get a--
Get rid of the mortal. Five minutes till shoot time.
Uh, I'm pretty busy right now, Harvey. Rain check?
Sure. See you, Sabrina.
I want you to meet your new home tutor.
Tutor? But what about school? My friends?
You're a star now. No time for school or friends.
-Allow me to introduce Freddy. -Pleasure.
-Aah! -Sabrina, baby, what's wrong?
What's wrong? What's wrong?
I wanted to be in control of my life. Instead I'm being bossed around...
...by the production crew from Hades.
-Enough is enough! I quit! -Sorry, but you signed a contract.
And according to the very fine print, a seven century contract.
Let me see that.
I've been duped by a gremlin?
Okay. If I have to do the show, I'll do it.
But I refuse to use magic. Nothing in my contract says I have to.
What? We need you to be proactive, edgy, in-your-face.
Without magic, there is no show. Ratings will plummet.
The network trolls will go crazy. I'll lose my job!
Sorry. Tough toenails.
Not as sorry as you're gonna be, missy TV star.
Huh?
What are we doing here, Clint?
She doesn't wanna use magic. Well, I'm gonna find a way...
...to force our little witch to use her powers.
-How you gonna do that? -Can't have a great heroine...
...without a great villain.
Last I heard, he was locked in a dimensional prison.
- Ah! - Tim the Witchsmeller?
Have you gone around the bend? That bloke is dangerous!
-He could wipe out all of witchdom! -Yeah. And?
The Witchsmeller is an immortal menace that hunts witches for sport.
If the Witches' Council finds out you released him...
...why, they'd rip you to shreds.
The Witches' Council will never find out.
With the Witchsmeller on the show, hunting down our little star...
...we're guaranteed a 30 share.
But what about the consequences?
Consequences, shmonsequences!
This is art!
Are you the one they call Tim the Witchsmeller?
I have two words for you: Sabrina Spellman.
The witchling who trapped me in this prison?
Free me, and I'll destroy the little brat once and for all!
Kid, I'm gonna make you a star.
Yes, Elton. We're back.
Okay. The old man's asleep upstairs.
And Sabrina's due back with her aunts any minute.
Would you mind stepping back just a smidge?
Pure evil. Love it!
I'm just glad everything's back to normal around here.
Ha-ha-ha! - Tim the Witchsmeller?
Hmm, we meet again, ladies.
My new witch trap bubble shield. Never leave home without it.
He's trapped us inside the house!
Prepare to be eradicated on the Netherworld Network, ladies.
Looks like you're going to have to use your magic, Sabrina...
...if you wanna stop the Witchsmeller.
-Clint? You did this. -You'll never prove it, sweet thing.
Have a taste of my magical scrambler, ladies.
One blast will render you powerless forever!
- Ha-ha-ha! - Aah!
- Hold it! Cut! Cut! - Huh?
-Ran out of film. Need to reload. -Ooh, please hurry.
Your timing is deucedly inconvenient.
Let's get out of here, girls.
What's with you guys? Ha, ha.
Finally see your reflections?
Okay. Anyone got ideas?
Sorry, I'm not fluent in terrified babble.
Salem?
-Why do I always have to save the day? -Salem, you're a genius.
Hey! Find your own stuff to hide under.
No, check it out.
Grandma Matilda's magic teleportation blanket.
Wrap it around something, and it'll magically transport it anywhere.
Like back to the prison dimension?
You've read my mind. But that's only half the plan.
Ooh, I love it when you get that sneaky look on your face.
You remind me...
...of me, actually.
All done, boss.
Ready to lock and load.
It's hunting time, Elton.
Which witch will it be?
Start with the witch behind you.
-You getting all this, Wannabee? -Getting it, boss.
Don't know what trickery you're up to, little one...
...but your twitching days are over.
Fine. But before I go, just answer this question.
Who let you out of your dimensional prison?
Who allowed you to once again to become a threat to witches throughout the galaxy?
-Cut! Any of that go out? -Nah. We're on five-second delay.
We use it for shooting mermaids. They cuss like sailors.
So you thought you were gonna get him to rat me out on camera...
...and get me busted by the Witches' Council?
Guess you were too smart for me, Clint.
So why did you release the Witchsmeller?
Ratings, Sabrina. Big ratings.
The only thing that truly matters in life. Because it's what they wanna see.
The audience. The fans sitting out there in Netherworld TV land...
...hungering to see something spectacular...
...something real, something alive!
And if I have to free a dangerous menace and sacrifice a few witches to do that...
...well, isn't it worth it?
Goodness, and I thought I was nasty.
-Did you get all that, Salem? -Affirmative.
Smile, suckers. We jacked into your line.
Your confession just went out live to the entire Netherworld.
What? What?
-She turned the tables on you, bub. -And I didn't even use magic to do it.
I'm finished. I'll be booted out of Hollyweird.
Roasted by nine gazillion witches!
Let's get out of here before they find us.
You might have tricked them...
...but you still have me to contend with, witchling.
Guys? Time to drop the curtain on this production.
No!
Blanket wrapped around the Witchsmeller Take him back to his prison cellar
I'll get you for this, Sabrina!
Sabrina! Time to leave for the Netherworld Museum!
Ready to go, aunties. Can't wait to get there.
Any other places you wanna take me?
No fight? No fuss? No "I have no life"?
What are you talking about? I have the greatest life.
Even with all of our terrible demands on you?
Yeah, well, I guess I kind of exaggerated things a bit.
And hey, even stars have to listen to other people...
...and handle responsibilities just like everyone else.
Well, seems your brief brush with stardom did you wonders.
Yeah. I'm just glad things are back to normal...
...and that the people telling me what to do are the people who love me.
I'm sorry, Murray. I need a catnip tree in my trailer...
...or I don't do the picture. Yeah, that's hardball...
...but this is a hardball business. Nope, gotta call you back...
...I've still got Scorsese's people hanging on the other line.
Love you. Sure.
What?
Freaks.